My Heart Is Full...

Two nights ago I was rocking F. to sleep.  He doesn't usually fall asleep.  I usually put him in his crib, he cries for a minute or so, and then he puts himself to sleep.  This night, he dozed right off in my arms.  It was so quiet and dark in the room - so peaceful!

I decided to rock a little while longer.  Enjoying the stillness of the room.

I also decided, what better time to pray.  No distractions.  No noise.

Sitting there, holding my baby, my heart was full as I wondered if my arms would ever be full again with another young child.  I prayed that the fullness in my heart would be the will of the Lord and not my own.  J. and I are prepared to start the grueling adoption process all over again, but before jumping right in, we really want to know a) if this is the Lord's will and b) if it is, where would He have us go.

So I prayed.

It was a tough night.  F. is teething and was up at 1am and on and off pretty much for the rest of the night.  I also had to be up bright and early to get ready for the AGC Ladies Retreat.  My head hurt, and I was T-I-R-E-D!  Of course I checked Facebook, as per usual, before I started to get ready.  My attitude changed.  A couple had received a proposal for a beautiful 18 month old from the Philippines. 

If you know me, these announcements bring me to tears.

Again my heart was full.  I hope to one day have the great joy of receiving my child's picture and file.

I just LOVE the idea that the Lord has a plan for our family, and if my gut feeling is right, He has already chosen a child for us.  He knows exactly where he/she (PLEASE let it me a she...I can't take any more of this boy stuff LOL)  is, what they are doing and preparing them for joining our family...again if this is His will!

The other day I told J. I would love to be a lunch monitor once F. is in school (phew I still have 4 years).  He quickly said, "Ummmm no because you'll be at home with our next son/daughter!"  I just love that he is as excited about the idea as I am.

What fills your heart?  What are you waiting on the Lord for?